Well, fellow Southerners, The Polar Vortex is upon us. Or what the rest of the world knows simply as winter.
While my dentist tells me he “doesn’t believe in global warning and all that hippie crap,” he sure does believe that it’s “cold as a witch’s t*tty” right now, and I would have to agree. About the cold; Not about choosing to ignore science.
In honor of my dentist, here’s a drink that’s the liquid equivalent of a cavity. It’s hot, spicy, strong and chocolate, much like my girl Sophia from Orange Is The New Black. Let this keep you warm until she returns.
(Which will be “sometime in 2014.” Netflix, you are a flippity trick but I. LUV. U.)
Disclosure: The non-boozy version of this drink was originally published in Southern Living, but according to our bylaws, we cannot publish beverages that do not have an alcoholic option, thus the hooch.
3 cups milk
1 cinnamon stick
3 tbps unsweetened cocoa
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 (3.5-oz.) chili chocolate bar, chopped
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 shot Kahlua or Bailey’s per mug
1 cup heavy cream (optional)
1 tbsp powdered sugar (optional)
- Mix everything but booze and cream and cook over low heat until chocolate is melted.
- Mix heavy cream and powdered sugar in a separate bowl and whip (ideally with a stick blender because it is so much easier and you don’t want to get The Carpal Tunnel).
- Pour hot chocolate into glasses, add liquor and garnish with cream and a cinnamon stick.
You might think I’m titling these cake balls “crazymaker” because you’ll be made “craaaaazy by how good they are!” or something equally infomercially. You would be wrong. I am titling them this because every time I’ve made them, they’ve made me a few shades more insane.
On the face of it, this recipe is simple. And in reality, I think it once was for me because I remember making literally 7 different varieties of these when I worked at the state capitol. For some reason, though, the last time I made these, my kitchen and Ripley were covered in batter and sadness by the time it was all said and done.
Nonetheless, you dessert folk get seriously neglected here at Nummy, so I’m trying to throw you a sugar bone. If you actually make the cake/icing mixture ahead of time and refrigerate it, the step where you dip the balls in melted chocolate might not make you postal.
1 box cake mix + ingredients to make it
1 container icing
1 bag of chocolate (white, dark, whatever)
- Make the cake according to package directions. Cool and crumble.
- Stir in icing until cake and icing mixture is smooth and creamy. CHILL.
- Melt chocolate in the dreaded double-boiler. (Or ANY OTHER WAY to melt chocolate if you know one.)
- Roll into balls and dip into chocolate. Place on parchment paper to dry and lightly dust with sprinkles.
You know, as I wrote this up, I remembered that it was actually enjoyable to see the finished product of these things, especially with fun flavor combinations like carrot cake and cream cheese frosting with orange sprinkles. Cute as sh*t, no?
If there is one thing happened at my office this week, it’s happyfatness.
Be honest – you have 1 or 2 days left before a 5-day break, and you couldn’t care less. As if that weren’t enough, all those clients who need your business next year are trying to buy your affection with sugar-coated, fat-filled yummies. And if I’ve learned one thing this week, it’s that I can be bought.
This recipe is actually an in-house offering from Joe, one of our writers, so this is honestly a gesture of good cheer rather than self preservation. Scary cheerful.
Anyway, these gutbombs were spectacular and are – he assures me – easy to make. And when he told me the main ingredients were crescent rolls and cream cheese, no further encouragement was necessary.
Get fat and happy:
2 cans Pillsbury crescent rolls (don’t go with store brand)
2 pkg (square) cream cheese (here you can go store brand)
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 stick butter, melted
- Soften cream cheese to room temp and preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Butter casserole dish.
- Spread one package crescent rolls across bottom; pinch perforations closed so it’s a single sheet.
- Blend sugar and cream cheese to frosting consistency; add vanilla while doing so.
- Spread cheese mix over dough and then spread second can of rolls over top, pinching perforations shut.
- Smooth melted butter evenly over top; sprinkle with cinnamon.
- Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.
I love this stuff. It is so easy to make, and wrapped up all pretty it makes a great gift. It is much easier and cheaper to make then buy from Harry and David, Williams-Sonoma, etc. I prefer dark chocolate but feel free to use any kind you like; some people use only white chocolate. Also adding a drop of peppermint extract or oil gives it a nice kick. – ts
chocolate- any kind you like; can be a bar or chips
white chocolate- any kind you like; can be a bar or chips
24 mini candy canes, crushed by hand
- Line the bottom of a 9×13 pan with parchment paper.
- Add chocolate to microwave safe bowl and microwave in increments of 30 seconds stirring the chips each time until chocolate has completed melted and mixture is smooth or melt chocolate using double bowl method.
- Spread melted chocolate as evenly as possibly into lined pan, make sure that it is not too thick.
- Place pan into freezer for 20 minutes. Repeat the same melting process with the white chips. While chocolate is still smooth, stir in half of the crushed candy cane mixture. Allow the white chocolate to slightly cool for a minute.
- Remove pan from freezer and spread white chocolate/crushed candy canes mixture on top of the chocolate layer. Spread white chocolate as quickly as possible. Top off with remaining crushed candy cane and gently pat down with the back of a spatula. Return pan to freezer for 20 minutes.
- Remove from freezer and gently lift the whole mixture from the pan with a butter knife. Remove parchment paper and break into pieces. Stores nicely in freezer or up to one week in refrigerator.
I thought bacon birthday cake would be appropriate for RipleyPickles’ day of birth. You may want to consider drizzling one of the Chef’s sauces over it as well for extra nummy-ness….
Here is a recipe for Bacon Cream Cheese Frosting, feel free to use your own chocolate cake or cupcake recipe with it. Happy Birthday!! -ts
2 strips bacon, cooked crispy
1/4 cup butter, softened
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
about 2 cups confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon honey
- Beat the butter and cream cheese for the frosting
- Add the honey, and gradually add in the confectioner’s sugar until it reaches a spreadable consistency. Crumble one of the bacon strips and beat it into the frosting
- Spread frosting on cake or cupcakes. Crumble the remaining bacon strip, and sprinkle on top
According to CNN (and only CNN as I cannot find another source), today is National Chocolate Chip Day. Click here to find a great site that features 100 chocolate chip recipes. For this special food holiday I thought I would offer up an easy, no bake, summer time chocolate treat from the lovely Martha Stewart. This recipe takes like 10 minutes tops. – ts
Semi-sweet or milk chocolate chips
Thick crust bread
Fleur de Sel (if you can’t find this use coarse sea salt)
- Place thick slices of bread on an ungreased grill or grill pan. Toast each side for 5 minutes over medium heat. (If you don’t have a grill pan, broil bread until golden brown, about 1 minute per side.)
For perfect golden-brown hatch marks, maintain medium heat. High heat will create instant dark lines without toasting the bread; low heat will slow the toasting process, which can result in blackened grill marks.
- Melt chocolate in a double boiler or a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water, and spoon over toasts. Sprinkle with fleur de sel.
Toast preparation tips: How to Grill Bread for Bruschetta – Martha Stewart Recipes