Well, fellow Southerners, The Polar Vortex is upon us. Or what the rest of the world knows simply as winter.
While my dentist tells me he “doesn’t believe in global warning and all that hippie crap,” he sure does believe that it’s “cold as a witch’s t*tty” right now, and I would have to agree. About the cold; Not about choosing to ignore science.
In honor of my dentist, here’s a drink that’s the liquid equivalent of a cavity. It’s hot, spicy, strong and chocolate, much like my girl Sophia from Orange Is The New Black. Let this keep you warm until she returns.
(Which will be “sometime in 2014.” Netflix, you are a flippity trick but I. LUV. U.)
Disclosure: The non-boozy version of this drink was originally published in Southern Living, but according to our bylaws, we cannot publish beverages that do not have an alcoholic option, thus the hooch.
3 cups milk
1 cinnamon stick
3 tbps unsweetened cocoa
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 (3.5-oz.) chili chocolate bar, chopped
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 shot Kahlua or Bailey’s per mug
1 cup heavy cream (optional)
1 tbsp powdered sugar (optional)
- Mix everything but booze and cream and cook over low heat until chocolate is melted.
- Mix heavy cream and powdered sugar in a separate bowl and whip (ideally with a stick blender because it is so much easier and you don’t want to get The Carpal Tunnel).
- Pour hot chocolate into glasses, add liquor and garnish with cream and a cinnamon stick.
Fireball. Now with slightly more class & less judgment.
Of all the adult beverages we have here at Nummy, this one is the simplest and most seasonal.
Even better – It’s the fastest way to get Fireball into your system since Matt Hinson moved back to Memphis.
1/2 gallon apple cider
4 cinnamon sticks
1 star anise (optional)
Fireball to taste
- Stud your orange with cloves (i.e. jam cloves into the outside of an orange).
- Simmer all ingredients except Fireball for 30 minutes. (Reminder: Star anise tastes like liquorice, so if you Hate Licorice like I do, skip it.)
- Strain and add desired amount of Fireball. Serving suggestions per mug are as follows:
- One splash for fuzzy memories
- One shot for slightly sloppy
- Two shots for telling your sister what you really think of her boyfriend
- Garnish each mug with a cinnamon stick and a slice of orange peel.
Yes, Nummy neglects, I’ve decided the first post in more than a year deserves to be the first one with the married name. In no small coincidence, this recipe is seasonal and full of alcohol, just like our happy newlywed home.
Milk Punch is basically Egg Nog‘s thinner, livelier cousin, which means Egg Nog hates Milk Punch and is always throwing sideways glances at her at family gatherings.
As the napkin says, let it flow.
But seriously, this drink is easy, delicious and it won’t force you to choose between a seasonal beverage and an extra serving of ham. NEVER force a lady to choose between booze and ham.
2 cups of milk
2 cups of half & half
1 cup bourbon
1/2 cup amaretto liquor
3 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup powdered sugar
- Pour all ingredients except powdered sugar and nutmeg into a pitcher and stir.
- Whisk in powdered sugar.
- Serve over ice and grate fresh nutmeg on top.
These should be served in seasonal glasses. If you don’ have seasonal glasses, exit this blog immediately and never return.
Yeah, so it’s pretty clear from the title of this post that I’m about a month late in getting around to it…
Garden & Gun
But it’s never too late for a beer-based beverage! Especially one that acts as a welcome substitute for a Bloody Mary when the summer is too sticky for tomato juice but you still need something to knock last night’s fog out.
The basic version of this drink is just lime juice and beer, but The Chef pointed me toward a Garden & Gun recipe that uses soy and Worcestershire, and my salt addiction rejoiced. (If you are not a sodium addict, you can control the amount by limiting the sauce additions.)
So if you like to drink anything bloody (Mary or Beer – this is not a vampire reference), try this out on Memorial Day. It’s an icy, refreshing change of pace. Ole!
1 beer (Mexican preferably, but anything without too strong a flavor will do)
2 limes, juiced
dash of soy sauce
dash of Worcestershire
dash of spices (like Tony’s)
- Run a lime wedge around your glass and rim with salt.
- Fill halfway with ice.
- Add all ingredients, saving beer for last.
- Stir and slurrrrrrrp. Salty goodness.
My brother Martin is finally getting hitched, so I figured we needed a stout yet sassy beverage for his engagement party. In the name of printing up (completely unnecessary but adorable) little St. Patrick’s Day menu cards, this cocktail was named “the Smartini” as a Martin/Sarah mashup.
As a general rule, I think most dudes will drink a fruity cocktail as long as it:
- isn’t bright pink
- uses some sort of unorthodox ingredient, and
- doesn’t come in a fancy cocktail glass that makes you inclined to raise a pinkie.
And this cocktail passes all of those tests. The Acai Berry liquor is a trendy new kind of booze we had in Charleston while dining at Cypress (the oysters, OH THE OYSTERS!), and The Chef and I are pretty much basil sluts on every level, so this was a no-brainer.
While I didn’t squeeze the 3 dozen lemons it would have required to make a pitcher of this stuff, if I were making smaller batches, I’d definitely use the fresh stuff. Also, this has agave nectar in it, which is just nature’s fancy-sounding answer to Splenda, so do not be afraid.
The bottom line: this was refreshing and delectable, so throw it in your spring rotation.
2 parts Acai berry liquor (Veev)
1 part fresh lemon juice
1 part agave nectar
2 parts club soda
1 package basil, roughly chopped
cucumbers and lemons, sliced for garnish
- Pour your Acai berry liquor in a pitcher or tupperware container. Add basil. Let steep for 1-4 days, depending on desired strength of basil flavor.
- Combine all ingredients and chill.
I made this in a much larger quantity – i.e. used two bottles of Veev and increased amounts of the other ingredients proportionally – and that worked very well. Put it in a pitcher and dress it up with the cucumbers and lemons, and you got one pretty and potent cocktail.
Despite the long absence from you, Num, I have returned. And I have brought with me the spoils of my annual Ripley Christmas trip.
Namely, the somewhat hyped and super delicious cider recipe from Uncle Stewart’s tailgate… and Akin Oyster Dressing. (I’m still debating the morality of posting that second one since it took me several years to annoy my cousin Melissia and Aunt Sylvia into relinquishing it, so time will have to tell on that one.)
For the moment, this simple sipping cocktail will have to suffice. And I guarantee it will quench any thirst, a winter one especially.
Apple Cider or Juice
- Mix cider and spices as directed on package. (Incidentally, the spices come in an adorable milk carton package, so this drink is both cute and yummy.)
- Add Hot Damn to taste.
- Heat (do not boil) and imbibe.
The Chef is all but addicted to the Bourbon Mayo from Bardog, despite his very un-Chef-like (and in my opinion, very illogical) aversion to mayonnaise. That’s probably because the stuff is downright good.
Take a page from the Game Day playbook, though, and go easy on the bourbon at first. The longer it sits, the more potent it gets, so consider that when pouring.
Oh, and try this on fries. It will allow you to fuse America’s obesity epidemic and classy European tradition, and that’s just super cultural and stuff.
2 cups of mayo
1/4 cup of good bourbon, such as Buffalo Trace
3 cloves roasted garlic, minced
1 tsp lemon juice
salt and pepper to taste
- Mix all ingredients together.
- Cover and chill. Serve on burgers or slop up with fries. It’s your world.