First things first: why are these called “funeral sandwiches?” In short, I don’t know, but I’d guess it’s because the only time you wouldn’t feel guilty about stuffing this many lip-smacking nitrates into your face would be after the death of a loved one. Luckily for you, I eat like I’m in mourning all the time, so let’s dig in.
These are somewhat similar to Ham Delights (though that link is not to the Dot-sanctioned recipe), but Morg voted that these are better, and I agree. The brown sugar and smoked salt really punch these up. Plus they’re just the right mix of sloppy and fancy, and that’s the way we do things here at Nummy.
1 pkg (12) Hawaiian buns
1 1/2 pkgs sliced ham
1 pkg sliced Swiss cheese
1 stick butter
3 tbsp Worcestershire
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp bourbon
1.5 tbsp minced onions
1 tsp smoked salt (you can use regular salt here if you need to)
- Layer a few slices of ham and cheese on each bun and place them in a baking pan lined with parchment paper.
- Melt together the rest of the ingredients and ladle this mixture over the sandwiches.
- Put the sandwiches in the fridge for 24 hours.
- When you’re ready to serve, pull the sandwiches out and cut them in half diagonally with a pizza cutter.
- Bake uncovered at 350 for 20 minutes.
If the name of this side dish wasn’t enough to get your attention, the following were overheard at Akin Thanksgiving re: these potatoes:
“I want to stick my face in that.”
“I would like to be alone with the potatoes.”
“I can’t say what I want to do with these potatoes in front of my Mom.”
This recipe was originally a Michael Symon jam, but we’ve increased the ratio of butter to potato because Duh.
Rice that sh*t or The Chef will come after you.
9 large russet potatoes, peeled and chunked
1 1/4 sticks of butter
1 cup milk
1/4 cup crème fraîche
- Bring potatoes to a boil in salted water. Simmer for 25 minutes or until tender. Drain.
- Melt butter in a small saucepan. Whisk the butter over medium heat for about 5 minutes to turn it a golden brown, caramel color.
- Put the potatoes back in the pot and cook them on high for 1 minute. (This will help them suck up all the fatty goodness.)
- Mash your potatoes or pass them through a ricer.
Note: A ricer, or food mill, is a schmancy chef thing that makes your potatoes smooth as silk. While that texture is nice, it’s by no means necessary. But do not say that to a Chef. You will get punched in the face.
- Add the milk and crème fraîche and stir well. Season with salt (it won’t need much) and white pepper.
You can make these a few days in advance because sheer amount of lard inside will keep them well preserved. See: Any fat Southern woman.
This is another holiday dish that I will definitely be putting into the year-round rotation.
I first had this dip at a Christmas party 8 years ago, and I searched for the recipe for 5 years before someone pointed out to me that it had been right under my nose – namely in Heart & Soul – the whole time.
While this does take a little while to prep and cook, it is totally worth your time. And not just because it is delicious, but also because each step of the cooking process leaves the house smelling better than the last. Butter, creole seasoning, fresh herbs and seafood? I’m on board.
Two words of caution: Make sure to thaw and rinse your seafood well to get rid of any unnecessary fishiness, and make sure you use 2 teaspoons of creole seasoning and not 2 tablespoons at each of the saute steps. Not that anyone has ever ruined 2 pounds of perfectly good seafood by doing that, but I’d like to prevent it if at all possible…
1 lb crawfish tails
1 lb shrimp, raw and roughly chopped
1.5 sticks of butter (.75 cups)
6 tsp creole seasoning
1 cup onion, finely chopped
1 cup green bell pepper, finely chopped
1 cup celery, finely chopped
1/2 cup red bell pepper, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
6 tbsp fresh basil (3 dried)
3 tbsp fresh thyme (1.5 dried)
3 tbsp tomato paste
1/4 cup flour
1 bunch green onions, finely chopped
- Melt half a stick of butter in a large skillet. Add 2 tsp creole seasoning. Add crawfish and saute for 5 minutes. Pour crawfish and butter into a bowl and set aside.
- Melt half a stick of butter in a the skillet, add 2 tsp creole seasoning, and saute shrimp in butter for 3 minutes. Add shrimp to bowl with crawfish.
- Melt the rest of the butter in the skillet with 2 tsp creole seasoning. Add onion, green and red peppers, celery, and garlic and saute for 5 minutes or until veggies are tender.
- Add fresh herbs, tomato paste and flour to veggie mixture in the skillet and stir constantly for 5 minutes.
- Process half of crawfish/shrimp mixture in blender (do not puree).
- Add crawfish/shrimp mixture (both processed and not-processed halves) to skillet and mix thoroughly.
- Stir in green onions and add hot sauce to taste.
- Serve with Thin Garlic Crostinis and get out of the way.
When I told Dot that The Chef and I would be making Hollandaise for (the third) “Christmas morning” (in a row), she did not look convinced. And I’ll admit, I had some reservations.
Any time a cookbook directs me to a double-boiler, I have flashbacks of making those damn cake balls that everyone loves that are 100% NOT worth it. Trying to squish cake and icing into balls so you can dip them in rapidly hardening “melted” chocolate does not bring holiday joy; it brings profanity.
Anyway, The Chef directed me through the cheater technique for sauces (i.e. the blender), and I have no idea why anyone would go old school ever again. The consistency came out perfect, and the lemon juice provided just the right amount of acidity to cut through all the glorious buttah.
2 egg yolks
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter (1 stick), melted
Add egg yolks to blender with salt and lemon juice. Blend.
- Blend on low, slowly adding melted butter. Sloooooowly. That’s the key.
- Serve immediately. Or if you have to wait a few minutes, keep in a warm – but not hot – spot in your kitchen until you’re ready.
I’d bet you can put this on top of anything from ham to cardboard, but we used it on the Honeycomb Breakfast Casserole, and I can verify that goodness first-hand.
If there is one thing happened at my office this week, it’s happyfatness.
Be honest – you have 1 or 2 days left before a 5-day break, and you couldn’t care less. As if that weren’t enough, all those clients who need your business next year are trying to buy your affection with sugar-coated, fat-filled yummies. And if I’ve learned one thing this week, it’s that I can be bought.
This recipe is actually an in-house offering from Joe, one of our writers, so this is honestly a gesture of good cheer rather than self preservation. Scary cheerful.
Anyway, these gutbombs were spectacular and are – he assures me – easy to make. And when he told me the main ingredients were crescent rolls and cream cheese, no further encouragement was necessary.
Get fat and happy:
2 cans Pillsbury crescent rolls (don’t go with store brand)
2 pkg (square) cream cheese (here you can go store brand)
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 stick butter, melted
- Soften cream cheese to room temp and preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Butter casserole dish.
- Spread one package crescent rolls across bottom; pinch perforations closed so it’s a single sheet.
- Blend sugar and cream cheese to frosting consistency; add vanilla while doing so.
- Spread cheese mix over dough and then spread second can of rolls over top, pinching perforations shut.
- Smooth melted butter evenly over top; sprinkle with cinnamon.
- Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.
I thought bacon birthday cake would be appropriate for RipleyPickles’ day of birth. You may want to consider drizzling one of the Chef’s sauces over it as well for extra nummy-ness….
Here is a recipe for Bacon Cream Cheese Frosting, feel free to use your own chocolate cake or cupcake recipe with it. Happy Birthday!! -ts
2 strips bacon, cooked crispy
1/4 cup butter, softened
4 oz. cream cheese, softened
about 2 cups confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon honey
- Beat the butter and cream cheese for the frosting
- Add the honey, and gradually add in the confectioner’s sugar until it reaches a spreadable consistency. Crumble one of the bacon strips and beat it into the frosting
- Spread frosting on cake or cupcakes. Crumble the remaining bacon strip, and sprinkle on top