I realize this is a little pointless at this stage of the game, but in the name of my OCD, we’re gonna finish strong.
I checked the original scoring setup, and a contestant gets 15 points for winning the final challenge and 10 points for making it to the finale, so this episode doesn’t shake things up too much. They also both cried in this episode, but to be honest, I forgot to deduct those points, so we’ll all just have to deal.
So ToddCity made a late run for it, despite the fact he told me last weekend he hasn’t watched one episode since the premier.
But I have watched all of them multiple times, so I feel this victory is well-earned. And Paul is just too adorable to live, so I couldn’t be happier.
If you fools haven’t sent me your money yet, please do that. I’m not gonna hunt you down, but may your grommet-ness weigh heavily on you if you don’t pay!
Until next season…
Many apologies for the lack of a standings post last week, but for some of you I was just sparing you the depression… but I wait no more! See below for your daily dose of sadness.
Also, two things before you ask:
- No one has Beverly, so I didn’t bother counting up her points during her short-lived return. Oh, and everyone hates her guts.
- I put the standings for the past two episodes together so I didn’t have to tally twice, and I did a bit of winging it as to assigning points. They are still merit-based as always, but I awarded some points in hierarchy format since it was different from the usual last week. If you have beef with my math, I point you to the team rosters from this post. My boyz are just strong, mmmkay?
High point: None of the chefs knew what the Alamo looked like from the outside, even though the season started there.
Also, Pee Wee Herman made me laugh. Am I going stupid? Perhaps. But stupid can still win (see: Presidency, George W. Bush).
What’s better than Charlize Theron and a night of culinary eeeee-ville? Sending Beverly home, that’s what.
And winning. The winning isn’t too bad either. Ahem:
ToddCity, I have one eye on you and the other one on you, Graw. And I can do that because of my lazy eye. See ya next week, suckas.
And still champion… Respect:
I am busy and late, but I am here. And once again, I am victorious! I don’t have the energy to smack-talk, so just check out the scores and gird your loins (ew) for Restaurant Wars tonight. Later.
In the name of not having to worry about score tabulations next Wednesday during Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve happy hour, I’m going to knock that out now. One thing before I do: although Claire and I both fat-girl-specialed out and made a logistically smart pick with Heather, that girl is one serious biotch. And I say that as someone who has a physical hatred for Beverly. Like twitching and Tourette-style cursing hatred and everything. But still.
Now on to the scores. As you can clearly see, I am nipping violently at the heels of Queen Dunny of the Ridiculous Luck and will shortly close in on her for the kill. Locked and loaded, roomie.
Short and sweet because I need to get to the bar to celebrate the Murse’s graduation. Dunny, we hate you. And Ty-Lor.
Hey there, Foodophiles! Once again, it’s the 11th hour, and I’m just getting around to the standings for last week. Between the stuffing, family pictures and magnums of wine, it’s been a full week. Event- and tummy-wise. So you’re getting it when you get it.
Anywho, did anyone else enjoy immensely when little Chuy Chihuahua was running around yelling “arrrrrrrrrrrrriba!” about the chile challenge and then he got his ass handed to him in the bottom three? Because I did. And so did Hot Chris Crary.
And how about m’boy Paul being rewarded for basically just not being a huge pansy? I love those quasi-are-they-aren’t-they-lesbians from Top Chef Masters. They are the best. And Beverly is THE WORST.
Anyway, below you’ll find the scores for episode 4 and the final totals for both episodes. (These are on the same scorecard because I’ve decided two documents a week is my limit, so the scores in the body of the chart are for this episode, but the totals are cumulative. Also I forgot that terrible Beverly cried last week, so she’s getting double-docked for that and somehow CRYING AT A RODEO.)
Episode 4 – Chef Scorecard:And drumroll please… the standings going into Episode 5 are:
So big ups to Dunny for coming out on top! ADub is right on her heels, and then we’ve got Mrs. Davies-Rhodes and Mr. Pitts bringing up the rear.
And just so all of you know, Dunny made her picks at the last minute for purely superficial reasons. Just goes to show: you should always judge a book by its cover.
Yes, we’re serious.
We at Nummy think it’s high time people who don’t give a crap about sports are allowed to get into the fantasy game. And despite the fact that TanyaNads CrankyPants Sibai has already unsubscribed from our proceedings, we press on.
The Chef and I have been making friendly bets on Top Chef for the past few seasons, but I feel all of our good-natured rivalry is making us soft, so we’re upping the stakes.
I have scoured the InterWebs looking for a fully functional Top Chef Fantasy League format, but the well is pretty dry. So I’ve pieced together some ground rules, and I think we’ve got a formula that will prove who is Top Chef and who needs to pack their knives and go. (I know, I KNOW. But this stuff is so damn quotable; I couldn’t resist.)
So I present to you the rules and regulations for the inaugural Nummy Num Num Top Chef Fantasy League:
Since several of us will be playing, a traditional draft won’t work because there are only 16 contestants. So I think the best way to remedy this is:
- Each player picks the 5 chefs* he or she thinks stand the best chance of winning and submits them to me via email by Wednesday, November 16 at 5 p.m. CST.
- Each player contributes $20 via Paypal to the collective pot at my email address (preferably also by Wednesday).
- Each week, the chefs will be awarded or docked points depending upon how the proceedings unfold. The chefs’ scores will be posted each week. (And possibly the scores of those of us who are playing, depending upon how much time/motivation/brain-power I have to calculate that on a given Wednesday.)
- The person with the most points** at the end of the season is declared the winner and receives a fat check in the mail for a culinary adventure of your choosing (or you can blow it on cheap booze; completely up to you).
*We will not be using the word “cheftestant” under any circumstance. It is as stupid as Marcel’s hair.
**I realize that there is the very slim possibility that some of us may choose the same 5 chefs. If this happens and those people end up with the most points at the end of the season, I will come up with a tiebreaker. A Top Chef trivia challenge, perhaps? Or a fight to the death in an arena of my choosing. (I fell asleep last night reading The Hunger Games, so my ability to gauge appropriate combat options is becoming clouded.)
- 15pts: wins the final challenge
- 10pts / 7pts: wins the Elimination challenge / ends up in the top three for the Elimination challenge
- 10pts: makes it to the finale
- 7pts / 5pts: wins the Quick Fire / ends up in the top three for the Quick Fire
- 5pts: returns to series after being eliminated
- 3pts: gets praise from Tom or Emeril (once per episode)
- 3pts: is told something they made is the best ____ someone ever tasted
- 3pts: is visibly drunk on camera
- 3pts: hooks up with another contestant
- 2pts: gets praise from Padma, Gail or Hugh (once per episode)
- 2pts: gets praise from the Guest Chef
- 2pts: successfully pranks a fellow contestant
- -10pts / 7pts: gets eliminated / ends up in the bottom three of the Elimination Challenge
- -5pts: ends up in the bottom of the Quick Fire
- -3pts: goes to the hospital
- -3pts: drops a pot or pan
- -3pts: cries
- -3pts: gets slammed by Tom or Emeril (once per episode)
- -2pts: gets slammed by Padma, Gail or Hugh (once per episode)
- -2pts: is the butt of a joke made by the judges
- -2pts: cuts him/herself
- -1pt: gets sick
- -1pt: gets in a fight
- -1pt: starts a fire
- -1pt: drops a plate
And there you have it. If you have any great (or ridiculous or hilarious) rule or scoring ideas, send them along with your picks and your cash mon-ay, and the judging panel will consider them carefully. Your time starts now!